Film Review: Movie 43

   Movie 43 can best be neatly summed up from the sequence in which the film receives its title; the two young leads scramble to accumulate a name for a fictional on-line video of “the most banned” movie ever. It’s a joint effort of desperation and cloying to try and make something cohesive together, coming up short by some way in the process.

   Over the course of this star-studded endeavour, a feature which is made up of a series of vignettes all tied together with the flimsiest of premises (and directed by a series of big names), I begin to wonder whether the general critical consensus that Movie 43 is the "worst film ever made" might be a touch on the optimistic; it's barely recoginsable as cinema at all bearing more in common, I suspect, with  some of the more unsavory punishments inflicted upon detainees at Guantanamo Bay.

   The film sees a trio of protagonists surfing the web throughout the feature trying to find the titular Movie 43 and, instead, coming across a variety of short skits. The sketches, pushing the “gross-out” comedy formula the Farrelly’s helped invent with a couple of the more memorable sequences in their smash hit There’s Something About Mary, are seemingly an investigation into how crude a piece of cinema can be rather than trying to achieve anything as lofty as inspiring laughter from the audience. The most shocking thing, however, does not regard how graphic the film is but, rather, how unfunny the whole thing is.

   The feature’s vignettes are toilet obsessed, ranging from the scatological obsessed lovers who are preparing to defecate on each other, through to a sequence in which Hugh Jackman has a pair of testicles hanging from his throat. To summarise, the humour ranges from people releasing bodily fluids in places most in civilised society would find untoward, through to genitalia being found in unexpected places. It does not get any more sophisticated than that.

   It’s a sub-Rob Schneider-esque film in which 90% of the movie’s running time seems to be obsessed with things going in and out of people’s anuses; it would hardly take a devout Freudian to figure out which stage of development this juvenile feature is stuck in. On a movie level, it would have been much better to have been stuck, eternally, in development hell so we, the audience, never had to experience it.

   The only saving grace for the whole feature is knowing most of the talented actors in this film’s ensemble will never reach such nadirs ever again – Emma Stone, for example, can only go upwards from here.

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Guest Post: Men's Spring Essentials*

Today we have another post regarding Spring Essentials, provided by Simone Visser.

Browsing through the runways shows for S/S13, it’s easy to spot some overarching trends emerging, and we’ve picked out the most wearable trends for you. When you’re restocking that wardrobe, all you need to do is pick out one or two of these and you’ll instantly look bang up to date.

The classic polo shirt

Menswear on the runways tends to have some kind of sporty slant to it most seasons, but this spring was notable for the strength of its sporting theme. Vintage athleticism, be it 40s, 70s or 80s, was a major trend across the boards. Rather than being flashy, the emphasis was on credibility, quality – gentlemen’s sports. Nothing ties in better than the classic cut polo shirt, and no shirt is more iconic than the Fred Perry polo shirt. Now celebrating its 60th year, it still looks as crisp and fresh as ever. Check out the original Twin Tip that started it all over at JD Sports , where you’ll find the latest range of Fred Perry polos, including nifty prints and stripes.

The baseball bomber

Vintage Americana was blazing a trail on the catwalks too this season. Designers can’t help but fall in love with that crisp, preppy style when it comes to spring. This year baseball was a serious influence, with caps, jerseys and jackets all getting the high fashion overhaul. A standout piece that kept cropping up again and again was the baseball bomber. A baseball jacket/bomber jacket hybrid, these neat little cropped military-blouson-style jackets feature bold contrast sleeves. Easy to wear, you’ll find them popping up on the high street already in a range of materials, textures and colours to suit your style. These look great with so many other pieces that once you invest in one we guarantee it’ll become your go-to casual jacket this spring.

Statement colour

Take a look through any guy’s wardrobe and you’re sure to find a lot of black, grey, brown, navy – the usual. If you’re really lucky you might even come across a sprinkling of green or a pale blue shirt. Why guys have been so afraid to experiment with colour we’re not sure, but this year designers have given us free reign to go finally go wild with it. An instant way to liven up your wardrobe and cut the ties with the dark shades of winter, popping colour was all over the menswear runways. Mustards, yellows, cobalt blues, blistering reds and shimmery metallic foils were used across the board – raincoats, blazers, trousers, socks, bomber jackets – you name it, it was given a colourful overhaul. Take a leaf out of Burberry’s book – one of the most colourful menswear collections for spring, and invest in a couple of boldly coloured pieces this season. Team them with anything to turn your existing outfits into fashion-forward statements.
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Film Review: The Great Gatsby

   Baz Luhrman's The Great Gatsby is one of the most heavily marketed films in memory - months and months of preparatory articles, focusing on the movie's fashion and soundtrack, have been used to whip up the mainstream into a frenzy of anticipation. Finally Gatsby has arrived and, now that the hype has died down, its possible to see in many ways the end product is like a firework - it soars, explodes with dazzling colours and then, once the reverberations of the crashing sounds have faded, there is nothing left but an empty void.  

   We enter Gatsby's world, that of 1920s New York, through the wide eyes of Nicholas Carraway (a winning Tobey Maguire), a young bond salesman who seems to be the only person not to engage in the wild parties at his new neighbour's house - instead Carraway seems to spend his time thinking about his married cousin, the high society Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan). It would be fair to say that Carrawayhas a borderline unhealthy idealisation and infatuation with her.  

   One day, however, the salesman's life is transformed irreversibly when an invite arrives from his mysterious neighbour's house to attend one of his popular shin-digs - he's the only person to have ever received a formal invite to the occasion. What, wonders Carraway, does Gatsby want of him and, more importantly, who is this enigmatic millionaire? When our young protagonist does arrive at the debauched party, rumours abound which further cloud who the titular character may be  but, it becomes clear in no time, the reason Carraway has been summoned is because of his acquaintance with Daisy Buchanan. It is clear Gatsby and Daisy have something of a secret past and Carraway has the keys to re-unite them - as Daisy's husband, Tom, is a wild philanderer, Nicholas' decision is not as complicated as it first may seem but the intricate web which ties each of the characters together means every action he may take can cause seismic waves in the existence of others. (Follow this link for more information on who's who in Gatsby

   Ribald decadence is not something that belongs solely to the characters; it’s the raison d’etre of Luhrmann’s film-making style. Nuances, subtlety, austerity, and emotions are a waste of time in the Australian film-maker’s world when, instead, he can focus on sculpting the fabulous; substance, in his eyes, is a waste of energy that could over wise be spent on crafting sublime superficiality. Rather than satirising the vapid, Luhrmann often seems to be celebrating it for it's own sake (and the bursts of hip-hop on the soundtrack, the most materialistic of all genres ever created, backs this up). Whilst colours popped and every possible opportunity for a camera rush was utilised with unabashed profligacy, it's still impossible to know (despite two hours in their company) who most of the main characters were and what drove them. The only character with any real meat on their bones was Di Caprio's Gatsby; a tragic, male version of Holly Golightly. Kudos must be given, however, to Maguire for trying to wring any essence of character from a thinly sketched script.

   Those surprised at the lack of subtlety in Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby clearly have little knowledge of the director’s oeuvre which, for the most part, dispenses of subtext or, indeed, anything cerebral in favour of grandiose spectacles and majestic pomp. Luhrmann is a director with all the restraint of  Michael Bay depending on your personal preferences this is either a good or very, very bad thing.To Luhrmann, the joy of manipulating visuals (with panoramic camera movements and technicolour flourishes) is far more of an important aspect to his film than fully realised characters. For those who are interested in nothing more than being washed along on a tide of pretty cinema and a bombastic Jay-Z produced soundtrack, then the film will be everything one could wish for. Those with higher expectations may find that this Gatsby adaptation is not as superlative as it's title would have you believe.

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Molton Brown 4 in 1 Sportswash Review

   Adulthood is one of those things, like alcoholism or bankruptcy, which sneak up on you almost unnoticed; they come gradually until suddenly they're there and impossible to shake.

   Adulthood snuck up on me too; like a person with a drinking problem might start with just the occasional shot of gin or glass of wine before a problem snowballs, I made baby-steps into adulthood (the odd pair of pinstripe trousers here, a burgeoning interest in Sudoku there) before one day I woke up and realised that the halcyon days of watching Hollyoaks omnibuses in my underwear and living exclusively off of Monster Munch were long, long gone.

   Nowadays week day drinking is nearly entirely gone (I have responsibilities), my music tastes have begun to "mature" (I've begun to develop a fondness for Dire Straits) and, most tellingly of all - I simply don't have much time to myself anymore. In between a full-time job, freelance writing, the occasional book and familial responsibilities, I simply don't have the time to lounge around like I used to. Nor, on many days, do I have more than a fifteen minute window to get ready (unless I set my alarm a bit earlier - something which is never going to happen due to how grumpy I get if I don't manage 8 hours sleep per night). This means any minutes or seconds I can save in my day are glorious and sacred to me and, as such, what could be better than a 4-in-1 shower solution from Molton Brown?

   Previously I've always been dubious of utilising any body washes which could also be used as shampoo or conditioner, preferring to use separate products for my body and hair. I'm kinda precious about my flowing Ric Flair/Ashley Schaffer locks. But, as mentioned above, I don't, these days, have the luxury of time to dedicate the hours I would love to in the shower like I used to in my glorious student/unemployed days - as such I bit the bullet and used Molton Brown's 4-in-1 Sportswash which has been tailor-made for use washing hair, body, face and even, if need be, provides a lubricant for shaving.

   My initial thoughts are incredibly positive - the Sportswash is handy, it is time-liberating and the fact that I only have to pack one grooming item for the shower is a fantastic development for me. Like most sports washes the aroma is pleasant and manly (nutmeg and lime are key ingredients in this department), and the product particularly excels as a warmly scented body wash. For a post-shower experience, the product feels gentle on the skin when used as a facewash and is more than perfunctory for a gentle shave (with products like this, I'd recommend they only be used when removing less than a week's growth).

   If I have any gripes with the product it is that it does not do a wonderful job with conditioning but this is something which can be easily combatted with the use of an after-shower product (like everyone's favourite miracle product Moroccanoil). This is only a minor complaint and a 4-in-1 is invaluable for a person like myself with only an incredibly limited of time to get ready. Whilst I may prefer, on days when I pamper myself more, to use a more specialist shaving product, on those days when the clock is ticking away and adulthood means I'm in an almost constant rush, Molton Brown's Sportswash is definitely the choice for me.

* This product was kindly provided by Molton Brown

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